imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
