So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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