Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
