We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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