things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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