Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I did not marry a roomba.
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