I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Randomize
