so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
