Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't deserve a penis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
