I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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