i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
