i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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