I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
