I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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