I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
