I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
