Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize