mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
