Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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