the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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