yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
