Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
