He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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