I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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