he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
