I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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