A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
