You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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