Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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