people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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