she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
