so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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