Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
