Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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