but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
