It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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