you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
