Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize