did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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