I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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