dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
