at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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