What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
