What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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