please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize