Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
