Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
