I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize