Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm always down for nudity.
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