we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
