I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need moral support for this bender
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
