OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bring me that man meat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
