i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
