So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
