Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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