This girl is more easily done than said...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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