not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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