awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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