Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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