JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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