Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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