did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
