Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
