I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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