i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
