yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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