Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
