I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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