does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
