i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
