I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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