Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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