Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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