Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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