he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
