Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
