Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
