i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
