you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
