Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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