Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
