she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i will never coherently bang her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
