Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
